blondedevil116 (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} blondedevil116) wrote,@ 2009-07-09 23:02:00 |
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So what would you think of me now? So lucky, so strong, so proud
The past few days I have felt so alone. I don't mean that in an emo way, I just mean that, literally, I've been alone in all the struggles I've had to deal with in the past two days.
Stryker was in really rough shape the past few days. He couldn't walk real well, and his breathing was quick and shallow. He just seemed to be struggling in general. I "slept" downstairs with him, since he couldn't get up the stairs. The moment after mom went to work yesterday, I got up to take him to the vet. This was after a severe breakdown on the floor next to my baby. I seriously haven't cried that hard in years. So I took him to the emergency vet, through the pouring rain, all by myself. It reminded me all too well of the day my mom and I brought our old dog, Dexter, to the vet. That was the last time I saw him. So of course I was a mess. And I was alone. They took him away to check his vitals and so I sat there, alone. Turned out that everything with his heart and lungs was ok. They took blood just in case. The vet said it was his arthritis acting up, and the breathing was because he was in a lot of pain, which isn't really comforting, but it's an answer. So they gave me meds and I took him home. And there I stayed all day. Alone. Mom was at work and dad was in Philly. Neither of them got home until late. When my dad got home, he said, "Thanks for taking the dog in. That was really cool that you could do that." Really? Cool is not exactly the word I had in mind. Heart-wrenching, torturous, frightening, yeah those make more sense to me. Wtf.
Tomorrow I have to take my dad to Lahey and wait there for about 4-5 hours while he has a procedure done/wakes up from anesthesia. And yup, I'll be waiting alone. I don't like it. I don't feel like I'm strong to deal with all of this all by myself, but I guess I must be, or else I'd be crying a lot more than I did. Idk. I need this week to be over, so I can concentrate on the exciting things that are coming up this week.
I need hugs. A lot more than I have received this week.
The past few days I have felt so alone. I don't mean that in an emo way, I just mean that, literally, I've been alone in all the struggles I've had to deal with in the past two days.
Stryker was in really rough shape the past few days. He couldn't walk real well, and his breathing was quick and shallow. He just seemed to be struggling in general. I "slept" downstairs with him, since he couldn't get up the stairs. The moment after mom went to work yesterday, I got up to take him to the vet. This was after a severe breakdown on the floor next to my baby. I seriously haven't cried that hard in years. So I took him to the emergency vet, through the pouring rain, all by myself. It reminded me all too well of the day my mom and I brought our old dog, Dexter, to the vet. That was the last time I saw him. So of course I was a mess. And I was alone. They took him away to check his vitals and so I sat there, alone. Turned out that everything with his heart and lungs was ok. They took blood just in case. The vet said it was his arthritis acting up, and the breathing was because he was in a lot of pain, which isn't really comforting, but it's an answer. So they gave me meds and I took him home. And there I stayed all day. Alone. Mom was at work and dad was in Philly. Neither of them got home until late. When my dad got home, he said, "Thanks for taking the dog in. That was really cool that you could do that." Really? Cool is not exactly the word I had in mind. Heart-wrenching, torturous, frightening, yeah those make more sense to me. Wtf.
Tomorrow I have to take my dad to Lahey and wait there for about 4-5 hours while he has a procedure done/wakes up from anesthesia. And yup, I'll be waiting alone. I don't like it. I don't feel like I'm strong to deal with all of this all by myself, but I guess I must be, or else I'd be crying a lot more than I did. Idk. I need this week to be over, so I can concentrate on the exciting things that are coming up this week.
I need hugs. A lot more than I have received this week.
